:notice you are getting out of bed for writing,
and for bourbon*
and for hope
but not for weaving,
and not for a job
and not for love:
dear reader,
i wanna talk about my intentions with toolboxearth
i wanna talk about this grand realization that
the only way i can live is as an artist
we’ve been talking about
needs vs capabilities
finding capabilities with the light of truth
and honoring them there.
otherwise, it’s just unsustainable from the start
(whatever your ‘it’ is)
i wanna talk about my love for the word capable
i wanna know your favorite way to witness physics within your day
all i can be is an artist
alongside you
it’s how i can be most useful
and i can’t seem to really focus
on another pursuant
knowing that,
as an artist is how i am most useful.
if i could be more useful in another role,
as something else,
then i would(‘ve) be(en) that.
my intention with toolboxearth is to create something useful
that maybe through my own self analysis
:after a fall:
:after an impact:
with accompanying, themed original handmade works of fiber wall art
that hold and house
therapeutic intents
something useful will be churning
:because ya never know whats going on underground:
all’syagottadois
acknowledge
that there is an underground
that something useful
might be churning
that something new
has already begun to
churn
because thats what i think the next step
after a fall is
after an impact-
the next step after rolling onto your back
spitting up blood
coming back into your mind and body
after an impact
the next step after
the next step is a rumble
the next step is a churning
i’m deciding to be by your side
i’m deciding to frame it sustainably
as an artist,
as a friend at the bottom of everything,
*i’m living in my first apartment alone since june 2018, my first apartment alone in chicago- a city i recently landed in and know no one in. i have already introduced myself as a sober-ish alcoholic. since moving into this apartment 41 days ago, i have had one box of wine and two bottles of bourbon. and i’m okay. i see now the art is more important than the booze. that i’m more important. i’ve been using alcohol for self-evaluation and analysis (much more on this soon). using alcohol to return to known, established states to examine and evaluate myself there. i’ve been paying so much attention to how self-analysis, and the tools we use for it, can easily slide into excuses of continuation. and i’m okay because i get so bored of it, despite the pull.
bored of anything except living as an artist,
alongside you.
