creature

03222025

creature

dear reader,

what a strange creature you are.

i know.

and you're still giving in to the frustration- greeting it with the sharp edges of itself instead of the sweet honey of yourself.

i know.

especially when you can't find something.

i know.

but you seem better.

i know.

earlier this week i used the wrong guard on the buzzer again. and see\saw that as an opportunity to take it back a bit, and rebuild. i see/saw it as an opportunity to either build it over similarly or to rebuild it with a different framing. but either way, to build it better.

and i am.

what a strange creature you are.

i'm a maidenhair.

as someone who lives very poetically outside this heinous idea of 'coincidences', has used their hair as a form of conveying self/individualism (i started to get a little weirder after Loyola died when i was 11. started to get a little gothy. and when this happened, i was told no piercings and, not soon after, no tattoos, but you can do whatever you want to your hair), and since i've seen my hair as a tool to tell time.

as a weaver, it's important everything has a role.

(i was a weaver then.)

the three buzzings:

1. may, 2015- Coupeville, Washington. back on my own after caring for physically, carrying financially, and living socially with my mother for over a year and a half.

2. august, 2019- rochester, new york. a few months after moving into the first apartment shared with my now ex-husband.

3. September, 2024- chicago, il. the first night.

and it's been buzzed since the first night spent in Chicago. this lingering inability. this lingering need to remain a creature in it's barest form. as though i was either going to get sucked into something's gravitational pull, or barely miss it in orbit. something that would suck me back in

to the humans.

over the past couple of weeks, i had just started feeling able to let my hair regrow. earlier this week, i was just approaching terry gross when i used the wrong guard cutting my hair shorter than intended.

and i see it as an opportunity saying 'observe'. as a moment communicating 'stay'.