grand distances

05/06/2025

grand distances

finally. it's you.

dear reader,

it's been a... rough's not the right word. distant might be it.

the last couple of weeks (a year now) have been of grand distances.

leaving me tired and distant too,

in a dendritical kind of way-

tired to(o) many areas of life.

what do you mean by we(e/a)ks

of grand distances?

i mean that I've come to take this title of 'weaver' very seriously. and someone recently reminded me that i am in a position to completely rebuild and reimagine my identity.

the ability to redefine Rachel.

and what does that have to do with being a weaver?

emulation.

so there's something i want to modify and adapt- my identity and person to the radical root.

why the root?

because change is only truly sustainable if it's made at the root.

the radical root is where truth lives.

emulation as a weaver.

new is new.* more is more.*

change is only sustainable from the root.

so it's this idea that emulation might be a better solution than addition-

to use what we already have

to emulate methods we already know are effective and responsive

from the root

from the past

from what we already have

to go into what we've hoarded*

for answers and insight

not continuously adding* to the pile.

and why has reweaving been at 'grand distances'?

uh. well. it's trudging through the muck of Past to find answers to the questions of Now in order to create Future.

it's going through the eternal closet of Previous Versions, finding new articles to wear, and bringing them forward.

so the grand distances are:

four billion years

hominina

prehistory

paleolithic

classical

middle ages

renaissance

enlightenment

modern

contemporary

---

(toolboxearth's fourth collection replenish,

previewed above,

will be released may 9th, 2025)

---

i was named after the biblical rachel

favored wife of jacob

mother of joseph and benjamin

the one who wept and lived on behalf of the people

a Hebrew name meaning ewe, or female sheep.

gentle.

why are you mentioning this version?

cmon.

because it's the one i'm most afraid has lapsed. this version of hangin out in a pile of animals, children, and flowers as an active member within a community, someone gentle,

has lapsed

somewhere along the way.

but i also wonder if i ever was. yaknow? even with long-term friends. I've always been kind of orbiting.

so I've been

going back not quite so far, to who I've been the last 36 years.

finding new/forgotten pieces to wear,

and bring forward.

to emulate.

why do you feel as though this is the best version?

i know. thank you for asking that. i'm not even sure i do. it's a real area of interest how the narratives we're named after mold us.

because I've always been a Georgia.

because I've always been a Suzanne.

because I've always been a Vivian.

so. exactly that: i'm figuring out what to do with the unnecessary energy and stress here.

this stretching between

am and should be

this unnecessary stretching

between

the weight of projected knowns,

around the necessity of acceptance.

figuring out what needs to change

before systematizing a how

so I've been weaving a lot

to show you

to hope that

something of mine

is something of yours

walking

over what se(e/a)ms like

very grand distances.

trusted grand distances

within self

alongside you

territorially us

keep trying,

and i'll keep trying too.

remember the history we've lived together.

as a big kiss on each cheek,

as a home in lilacs,