02/03/2025 part two
notice you are getting out of bed for
you
and the work
dear reader,
i just can't seem to want anyone other than you
that the
only
reason to try
and see
beyond
all these
:maybe:s
is to get to you
fused
by locked forearms
by an agreement you passed up on
'i'll let you know in two days'
as if i wasn't even there**
as if i was never even a part of life's equation
let alone the answer
i just can't seem to find
reason enough
without you
these moments
these :maybe: moments
feel like moments of weakness
not strength
making a move in the direction of
:maybe:
feels like movements of weakness
not strength
so what happens now?*
no part of this is right
no part
but a whole?
i thought you were going to be an artist, not a fat person.
cc: angel and the fuse box (written, unpublished)
are you that stupid?
not so stupid as to keep thinking :maybe:
rachel-
don't you remember? don't you remember what we're made of?
what we're made of won't pay the bills.
it just might.
why choose an end
instead of a beginning?
let’s rebuild it
let's choose maybe
someone recently told me
they saw sensitivity as a super power
because of the strength it demands to
remain
open
with everything changing at once,
as a hard flap of heavy fabric,
*consider the ways we created correctness
our own sense of structure
and the systems we used
during the creation of correctness
at the beginning of everything
consider the systems
we
used to use
our trusted systems we used
as children
our deepest rooted parts
how can we emulate those systems as adults?
how can we play to our deepest strengths?
**i want to give a 🤝huge🤝 sisterly shout out to the woman who sat at the next table over, who noticed my shiver of a reaction in this moment. she called me beautiful on their way out. i dont think i could have swallowed it without her.
