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Writer's pictureRachel

peach meat

from an odd but endearing counter:stool-

dear reader,


why not put it to use?

i wrote this for an old friend

i wrote this for you


'inept'


cc: the continuation of a cycle/a turning


as i get older,

i'm really realizing how poorly

i

we all

were, and are

set up to live

how we were raised

trained

(let alone the back-up that gets clogged in the drain

between then and now)

simple shit right

like nutrition

or a step before that

which is not feeling a survival

gnashing

when it comes to food

because there always was food

a semblance of an attempt to teach basic skills

i'm (really trying) not (to be) mad about it anymore

it's just the hand

and the work that must be done

is simply the work

but even to step back to recognize

these as learned things

love as something learned

in addition to the location of it's origin within

what love is

the infinite ways it can look

how to treat it

honing this direct communication from training dogs

from seeing the behaviors and anxiety that

seeps in from miscommunication

they've taught me so much man

like how to just act as a constant

and be

and allow them

and thereby myself

i'm so proud of the work i've done in this house

and am witnessing it take a new shape

from a true role of Observer

but sometimes it feels so overwhelming

all of these teachings

all this curriculum

i remember you said something about the importance of the skills learned in 3rd grade

like "don't hit and practice the golden rule"

and thats that ability to break something down into basics

that was one of those times i was really like-

this dude is cool


and familiar.

in a


this untapped cosmic celebration

of moving and communicating

from center


fuckin portal places, right?

very recently have i found a real love of self

i notice myself embracing myself

self soothing i guess

i know now that's the turning

the reunification of the three points of my triangle

i've been using my body differently

smoother

with a similar kind of gentleness to my mind and self

i spend a lot of time just kind of dancing around

listening to music and crying


like fiona's

'up until now in a rush to prove/

but now/

i only move to move'

in the last three years

i've swam in the peach meat of art

and healed in the direct communication of dogs

and the comfort of a good man


but now


it kind of feels like

when you're carrying too much grocery

and struggling to find counter space

but relishing in your own strength


i've tripped four times in the last year

and i feel exposed

in a 'it's up to you whether you struggle as you starve' way

it's difficult to communicate succinctly

but it's like i have these grocery bags

that i've been carrying

and feeling their weight grow

as these stones keep getting skipped in your direction

and i don't know where 

on the counter these bags of

knowledge and new findings

will end up

but i feel really confident back in the magic of the unknown

and hope you have confident somewhere on your radar too


imagine your sandwich order gets messed up-----

a n--e-w unexpecte:d co--:mbination of condiments

and boom- a new favorite sandwich

allsimsayin

is if in our friend car throughout life,

we're unexpectedly

turning around

in a diner's parking lot,

would you like to stop for a sandwich

while we're here?



if we acknowledge we don't trust each other,

can we move forward together?



reaprattleandsow

thinking of you always dear reader


cmon.let'sdancechicago



as a gremlin in a basement,

with the invincibility of undeterable determination,

with a full hug,


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