1/5/2025
'she was lo, plain lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. she was lola in slacks. she was dolly at school. she was dolores on the dotted line. but in my arms she was always lolita.'
-Nabokov, lolita
dear reader,
consider these words
the momentum
behind
a reach
in motion
with quick steps towards you
hands out stretched for contact
happy newnewnewnewnewnewnew year
a fog has lifted over the land
maybe i'll write you
instead
jesus
do i miss you
and our room
and that table
and that friend
or maybe i won't
sometimes it feels impossible
to ever
sit
back
up
right
with
you
i wish i could share with you
all the differences between
then and now
like we used to
connect
together
i wanna talk about homeostasis
as a fluctuating state
cc: geo/ego*
cc: 12/31 on phone
and
i wanna talk about foolishness
how everything is confused
(not just us, alongside it
whatever it is)
acting a little foolish
*i know i've written this idea down somewhere within this blog. can't find it and want to move on with writing. if i find it, i'll link it- otherwise:
in 1510 copernicus had formed his heliocentric model. formed this idea that the earth was not at the center of the universe as we formerly thought, living within a geocentric model.
initiated this idea of moving from a model of geo/ego, to a model centered around the sun/sol
as a mechanical thinker,
here's another way to put it:
(and please keep in mind this idea of homeostasis as a fluctuating state)
it's not about how many wheels are in motion. the same number of wheels, at the same speed are always averaging.
so it's not about how many wheels
but rather
it's about how broad the shoulders of our minds are
it's about how many wheels
you can see spinning at one time
it's a decision
(if i, kinda you, so we)
a fuckin decision
to never stop
to never give in to it
it's a decision i've made
i'm never going to stop
i am going to rise and fall
ebb and flow
crest and swell
but i'm never going to stop
everybody knew
every person in that room knew
and every body
just let it happen
how long can we live within
this idea of
'it's going to start happening'
in how many directions
is something we're delusional about being a reality
emulated as entertainment?
if it's how we entertain ourselves,
it's already happening
(sarcasm counts as two)
how far into this violent madness
does that mean
we are?
which character in candyland are we walking up to?
we must stop trying to create
live by
be disillusioned by
constants
it's making us so weird
we need to stop saying sorry
as usual- it seems as though you've kicked one too many metaphorical balls in the air.
well you certainly aren't helping are you.
couldn't resist. what are you juggling?
lolita as the infinite versions, accepting homeostasis as a fluctuating constant, redefining the constants, and foolishness.
where should we go from here?
it all seems to fall back on chicago. one of my favorite things about the people of this city is everyone's willingness to be foolish. to have their turn. if i'm in a spicy situation, there's always a pair of eyes to lock with and share in a moment of what it is to be a human. that smirk of 'been there' that ushers both of us through
a general acceptance that things are never perfect for long.
a general knowing that the next stumble is just
around the corner
and the fuck i won't anyways
there ain't nothing
i won't do
for love
to find love
with you
turn it into anything you want
trust yourself to set the pace
with an ear against a wall,
as lo,
ps- there's so much more planned for soon. please keep in touch. happy new year dear, dear reader
